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    Article of Interest
    Title: The Trouble With Love

Author: Jim Henderson

After much analyses, I have figured out the problem with this
love thing. The problem is that it takes two to make it work.
Now the possibility that there are two people on the same planet
that could actually love each other is not that remote. The
problem is getting those two together. The current system to
search, select, and acquire this ethereal combination of mutual
love leaves much to be desired. The present system appears to be
one of chance, occurring at random, governed largely by
proximity and probability. The finality of the process doesn't
allow room for error. In the business realm, it would not be
considered peculiar to make public the availability of a
position, set criteria, and conduct interviews. This would seem
to reduce it to crude rudimentary elements in the realm of
personal relationships, seemingly to exclude the most apparently
critical element, that of two people who love each other. While
the current system is cumbersome, the alternative of advertising
in the classified section seems nonetheless commercial and crass.

Now love does exist in the unilateral realm, that is, one party
loving another party regardless of the whether or not that love
is reciprocated. Romance requires however that love must be
mutual between both parties to be legitimate. When one loves
another but the second party doesn't share the other's
affection, it falls under the category of infatuation rather
than love.

Let's examine the elements of love. Certainly appearance plays a
significant role. Both parties must mutually find the other's
appearance tolerable if not pleasing. Beyond the perception of
the object of our affection's appearance, other factors must be
recognized. Regardless of how pleasing their appearance may be,
ultimately personality is one attribute you can't ignore. You
must not overlook the behavior of your potential soul mate.
Beauty is merely the bait that attracts us but it is our
behavior that hooks and retains our affection. Regardless of how
powerful the forces that attract you, eventually that bond of
appeal will dissolve and disintegrate if the party of the second
part behaves intolerably toward the party of the first part,
you. Don't overlook common interests and especially values that
you both embrace. Disparate value systems will rend asunder the
strongest of relationships.

Now to address the matter of sex. Like love, it also requires
mutual consent. It cannot exist, one party independent of the
other. It requires the participation of both parties.

Only a benevolent Deity could have conceived the concept of sex
and awarded to his children this pinnacle of physical pleasure
that surpasses both procreation and recreation! Obviously our
Creator endowed us with more than simple biological functions.
He also instilled in us the ability to appreciate the
aesthetically pleasing. We live in a world rich in color,
variation, and beauty. We are able to enjoy a plethora of
physical sensations including sight, sound, and touch. We are
endowed with a certain innately instilled capacity that allows
us to appreciate the concept of the beautiful and the pleasant.
We are by no accident designed to be sensual creatures. While
there is merit in temperance and self control, we are undeniably
made to embrace and enjoy the lovely. Who can explain the beauty
of a sunset or the awe we feel when we gaze into the heavens at
night? Nature is replete with sights and sounds, the music of a
creation that soothes the senses. We are enthralled by the
singing of birds, lulled by the sound of a restless ocean, and
serenaded to sleep by a symphony of a thousand chirping
miniature musicians in the orchestra of the night. Truly God
richly give us all things to enjoy!

With this in mind, should we be surprised by the ecstasy of
sensual pleasure afforded the two willing participants in a
legitimate relationship within the confines of Hebrews 13:4. For
those of you who may not have a New Testament readily available
and would be hard pressed to get your hands on one in the
immediate future, I have enclosed the preceding reference for
your convenience. It reads, “Marriage is honorable in all, and
the bed undefiled; but whore mongrels and adulterers God will
judge.” Sex only becomes evil when we take it out of its proper
context and pervert it into a vehicle of instant gratification
at the expense of our partner. Wielded without restraint or in
disregard toward the obvious consequences, it wounds and
alienates those whom it should unite. The male and female
anatomies are mated components that cannot function
independently of each other in the matter of sexual
satisfaction. They fit together like hand and glove, each formed
to bring ecstasy and fulfillment to the other. But as perfect as
the male and female anatomies are, as wonderful as the sensual
pleasure they bring to each other, I have found a flaw in the
mechanism of love. It takes two to make love. This requires
mutual consent, willingness, and participation from both
parties. When one element is withheld, it cannot exist apart
from the consent of the other. Fulfillment merely collapses like
a house of cards.

Which brings me to my next point, the legitimate outlet for
sexual fulfillment. Under the strict confines of the rules of
divinely sanctioned sexual conduct, (again, Hebrews 13:4) there
is only one legitimate outlet for sex, that being between the
properly espoused parties. Anything outside of that falls under
the category of impropriety, to be specific, adultery and
fornication. In order to avoid temptation, each party has an
obligation to see that the other is not left out in the cold,
prone, exposed, open and vulnerable to attack by lust because
that is the only recourse left to the defrauded party. To
knowingly withhold sex from the other is to defraud your
partner. It is rightfully termed fraud as sex is a legitimate
human need, compounded by the fact that when it is unmet, it
needlessly exposes the other to temptation and into direct
disobedience to the laws of God. Fraud is all the more fitting,
as it is each partner's responsibility and obligation to meet
the other's needs regardless of whether or not they want to
satisfy their spouse's rightful appetites. Although the guilt of
excluding the sexual needs of your partner is less flagrant if
it is unintentional, the consequences are none-the-less the same
to them if you inconsiderately assume that the other's needs are
met or account that they are inconsequential. Trivializing your
partner's appetite is not justified. To rationalize that because
you don't feel the same urgency or appetite to the same degree
as your partner, that their needs are excessive and can merely
be rejected arbitrarily without fair and sympathetic
consideration, is grossly unfair.

At best, all the components for a successful sexual encounter
are fleeting and even arbitrary, dependent on the attitudes and
perceptions of both parties, compounded by forces that negate
its fulfillment, as stress, and other complications . One
particular thief to the only legitimate outlet for sex that a
spouse is entitled to, is that of incongruent and unequal sex
drives between the spouses. One party views the others desires
as excessive, even perverse while the other perceives the first
party as prudish and stingy. Sex becomes a source of contention
and conflict. It becomes a wedge that separates a relationship,
causing animosity and enmity. Oftentimes sex becomes a weapon in
a warfare between the spouses. Withheld or even given
grudgingly, it can be awarded in a derogatory manner.

What is the conclusion of the matter? If your relationship is a
match between partners of equal and congruent sexual appetite,
you are indeed fortunate. If your relationship isn't, then it
will require consideration and understanding on both partners to
resolve the conflict. Let sex be as God intended, to bring
intimacy and unity between two committed individuals joined both
physically and emotionally. Let sex unite instead of divide.

About the author:
Jim Henderson is currently employed in the field of
environmental regulatory compliance. He enjoys writing as a
past time and has had several article published in various
on-line publications.


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